As a young person attending a Christian youth group I heard many gems which have served me well in my professional career. One specifically related to interpersonal relationships and was “we judge others by their actions, but we judge ourselves by our intent”. This was shared in the context of conflict in relationships and the importance of ensuring we understood the other persons viewpoint and had gathered as many facts as possible before passing judgement on the actions of another.
In more recent years I have heard this philosophy delivered as “the rule of intent”. This rule aligns strongly with another gem I heard some years back which was “seek first to understand and then to be understood”.
Too often I find myself challenged by my reactive emotional responses, based on a selfish analysis of another person’s behaviour that is entirely determined by the impact of that behaviour on me. I am constantly amazed by the number of times I make a harsh internal assessment of a person, situation, outcome or behaviour simply because it has inconvenienced me. The resultant frustration and anger always vanishes when I learn the intention of the other person. In the majority of instances, their intent is positive it just that for reasons outside of the other person’s control the desired intended outcome has failed.
Usually, they are more devastated by this in comparison to my annoyance. These are the golden moments of mentorship that leaders too often squander. When we can demonstrate emotional integrity in such moments and apply the Rule of Intent, we can encourage that intention and provide guidance to empower others to achieve their intent in the future.