The words listen and silent contain the exact same letters. This can remind us that being silent means more than ‘just not talking’. In personal interactions we need to ensure our mind is silent as well as our mouth! When we listen well, we convey a silent message that we are right there with the other person, that they are not alone.
As leaders, we know the value of effective communication. This includes deliberately quieting the mind and consciously being silent to focus on hearing what is being shared. Steven Covey’s 5th habit in his highly acclaimed book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” is seek first to understand then to be understood. Yet every day in the workplace I see the opposite. You probably do too. It is not that we don’t want to understand, it is just that we are busy, with many competing demands and we try to save time, be efficient and multi-task. If there is one area where multi-tasking will lead us to fail this is it! We will end up being less efficient if we don’t listen with silent minds. This is because what we hear is more likely to be distorted by our busy mind, personal filters, perceptions and past experiences. We will not learn anything that may inform the quality of our response. This in turn erodes the level of trust the other person has in us.
We all know what it feels like when we are being heard with someone’s full attention and an open mind. And we all know what it feels like when we are not. You cannot generate authentic listening without quieting the mind. We must be mindful. We must be focused. We must honour who and what presents in front of us each moment of each. Quick tips on how to do this include:
- Push your chair back from the desk and take a breath.
- Take another long, deep breath and look at the person in front of you.
- Physically get up and move to another room or meeting table, take this time to refocus.
- Mentally note 3 things about the other person. This helps you focus on them.
Your followers (and family and friends!) will gain far more from your undivided attention than you can imagine!