As leaders we don’t know, at any given time, the impact we are having on others. We are constantly being observed and judged. When someone has asked us to listen to them however, we must turn up for them with equanimity. That is, psychological stability and composure which is undisturbed by exposure to emotions, pain, pressure, or any other phenomena. We must make them, not our own ego or workload, our priority. And we must do this consistently, every day, no matter how we might be feeling! We must seek to be impeccable in our practice of equanimity! How can we do this?
- Develop an attitude of non-attachment. When difficulties arise in life, non-attachment keeps us from reacting to unpleasant human behaviours or undesirable events.
- Practice mindfulness.
- Practice self-compassion.
Non-attachment essentially means we do not have an emotional (or ego driven) attachment to an outcome. This is hard because it means we acknowledge we are not in control of what happens to us externally. If we fail to acknowledge this we will constantly be reacting in an emotional driven state. This is stressful and exhausting. However if we practice non-attachment, we accept the only thing we have 100% control over is our response to what happens to us. Non-attachment allows us to acknowledge our initial emotional response to something but not be driven to respond. We can allow the discomfort of our initial emotional response to settle, and then allow it to inform but not dominate our chosen response. Personally, it took leaving an organization where I had 14 years’ experience as a high-level leader and joining another organization where I had no connections to being to understand how operating in a state of non-attachment really does empower me to be a better leader.
I find it fascinating that we are only beginning to understand the true personal benefits of mindfulness practice and self-care as individuals. These practices help us help ourselves and improve our leadership. That’s what I call a real win-win!