As leaders we hear, and talk, a lot about emotional intelligence. I have observed that there is often confusion in the workplace around how emotional intelligence is best applied especially when dealing with we label ‘bad news’. Are there times when so called ‘negative emotions’ need to be shared?
Personally, I often feel frustration, annoyance, and anger ‘flare up’ internally in my interactions with colleagues as well as direct reports. My emotional intelligence allows me to identify the emotion and determine my response as opposed to my reaction. However it is my emotional integrity which informs me sharing the right emotion, in the right way, for the right reason, at the right time. And yes, there are times when it is one of those frowned upon emotions such as anger. When we hone our emotional integrity we can feel the anger, acknowledge it to ourselves and to those around us and yet not explore or damage the relationship. The situational specifics will determine what happens next. Sometimes we may simply need to verbalize the anger which sufficiently releases the energy of the emotion and enables the conversation to move into resolution and problem solving.
At other times we may need to break the conversation and give ourselves time to process the information that triggered the anger before being able to move into resolution and problem solving. The key is to communicate as clearly as possible not only the emotion but our needs (as leaders and followers) in these moments with clarity of intent regarding coming back to the person and the issue to find a way forward. When both parties demonstrate this level of emotional integrity conflict resolution and authentic sharing becoming growth opportunities not situations to fear and avoid.